The Beautiful Ordinary

The way we see the world shapes the way we treat it. If a mountain is a deity, not a pile of ore; if a river is one of the veins of the land, not potential irrigation water; if a forest is a sacred grove, not timber; if other species are our biological kin, not resources; or if the planet is our mother, not an opportunity - then we will treat each one with greater respect. This is the challenge, to look at the world from a different perspective."

~ David Suzuki

 

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A Year in Moments

(A year in moments)

As every year is this one has been filled with wild places and moments.. adventures and quiets spaces.. children becoming adults, the loss of my grandmother, and the reality that my parents are not immortal.  I took up mountain biking, took a new job, discovered more about myself and my needs, and learned to set boundaries and expectations as I move through this profound opportunity called living.  I crawled my way out of a deep depression day by day with the help of my husband and my family.  Thankfully, I feel more whole than I have in years. I let go of being for anyone else other than myself and found deep connection to life in loneliness and silence. I see the seasons echo themselves in my life, my love, and the way my needs speak to me.  I feel a passion for the creativity and self I laid down to fufill the expectations others had of me.  I am not looking forward to 2018 with intentions, resolutions, or desires. I am content to let things continue to unfold as it does.. Now is all I have... Moments, Family, and endless love.. That’s enough for me. 

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Gravel

Normality is a paved road: it comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.

~ Vincent Van Gogh

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Coals

My good friend Mike says, “tending your fire is like tending yourself”. I think he’s right. A glowing bed of coals is the heart of the fire. It is where the heat comes from but those coals have to be fed or they go out. As I’ve been reflecting on the solo fires from this past weekend and the brave women who went out into the forest to take the journey into the night I’ve been thinking a lot about why the solo fire is such an important part of my life and why like Sit Spot I want to share it with others.  Tending a fire is sometimes work and almost always worth it to me.  We need it both for survival and as a great teacher of presence.  The more I practice tending the fire and spending time with it the more I get out of it.  (Very much like sit spot.) The harder I work at tending my fire well the fewer toxic thoughts run through my mind.  The more I watch it the better I understand how to feed it.  A near perfect metaphor for living.  Staying up all night with a fire in this way for the first time reaches into the depths of determination we each carry with us.  We have to keep it alive.  We have to keep ourselves alive by feeding it, watching it, tending it.  Sometimes we doze off, sometimes we put on wood that's too rotten and it creates a lot of smoke.  Sometimes, you have to feed it constantly to keep it alive and sometimes it goes out.  No matter what the night comes.  With a Solo Fire you walk the edge of light and learn about life.  This is why we do the Solo Fire.

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Resiliency

Resilience: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties..

These last few weeks have been trying to say the least.  We are all okay, but damn..  Every where I turn something requires my heartfelt attention.  I am grateful to have such love and the capacity for such love that I want to give it and do so easily.  I come back again and again to stores of strength I forget I have until I need them.  The one place I am struggling to give the attention due is to myself as I know it will come in time - right now, I am wondering when..  I am going to be honest folks and say I am tired.  I am worn slap out.  I need a break.. I am not depressed.  I am not sad.  And I am not lonely or longing for anything other than some span of time that I can call my own.. I am oddly content even in the midst of the chaos of living.. And, we have been in the thick sticky of life.  If you see me or think of me.. or see us or think of us.. send a little extra squeeze or well wishes on this glorious fall breeze.  For now, I'm going to zip up my hoodie and enjoy the setting sun.

 

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