I started over

I started over.

Sometimes it’s just like that.

Sure, I could have cut out the clouds I’ve already made and sewn them to the new background. They probably would have been fine, but how many times in a lifetime does one person have to make do? In art making and in living only when I absolutely have to make it work am I going to settle into that feeling of what if.. what if I would have said that thing? What if I would have just gone for it? What if I would have just gotten the one I wanted..

So here it is.. my blank slate. Doing it my way. What feels like the right way..

Once again with all the blues piled high and waiting to become a massive pile of chaos while I cut out tiny pieces that will become clouds and the intricate backdrop to a wildflower field.

Practice is practice

Trying my best to see this as an ongoing learning process knowing there is the possibility that when the new fabric for the background arrives what I’ve done could have to be started over, but practice is practice is practice.. and if it does work like I hope it will, then I will have learned another way to adapt when I need to.

Take aways

One of the things I do when I finish a piece of art is write down my “take aways”. These are the lessons I have learned throughout the journey of making a piece of art.

If you’ve followed along for very long you know that once I find a process that works for me I stick with it.. so, every time I sign off from time in my studio I write what I did that day.. a lot of times it says things like, “cut fabric and then cut more fabric” or reminding myself “one spool at a time.. one spool a day”.. this seriously may take me a grand sum of 15 seconds, but the pattern is established and I know no one looks at it except me.

There are other times I want to make sure I remember something very important like, when making a zigzag over appliqué layers I like the machine set to a 2 stitch length and a 1 width stitch. These notes I highlight and come back to later.

And, there are times when I write something deep that I want to carry into the future.. like, “Mellow out. You make art because you like to. Sure, making money at it would be cool, but either way, you’re still going to make art.” Can you see my brain explode when I highlight this knowing it’s going on the big list?? 🤯

So when I finish..meaning, the binding is on. The piece is hanging somewhere. The website is up to date. I’ve filed all the pictures properly.. THEN it is time to sit down with my journal and go back over my highlighted notes..

I read through the pages.. and then I give myself five minutes to make a list of five “takeaways”. I never need the full five minutes and I almost always write at least 10.. most of those 10 are redundant, but I have to remind myself because it hasn’t stuck yet..

And then, because I am a natural born overachiever I highlight the ones I know I’m going to really need again and again and again so that in the next journal they will all be one one page together.

Blank slate

I’ve been writing in my journal a fair amount about the energetic release that happens when I finish a project and the direct correlation to me dragging my feet to get it done.. it’s so comfortable to wallow in a lack of creativity.. and excuses.. I’m so good at it..

But, once I release a work into the wild - whether that’s my own wall or that of someone else’s - I feel the shift and the juices begin flowing.

I have rearranged again. Now I can see the bird feeders and bird bath. This space is beginning to make more sense everyday.

Everything from the previous work is put away and all the unglamorous website/on line gallery work is done..

I have made my list of takeaways (there is an ongoing theme I have captured to refine in myself) and my digits are itching to get drawing.. and back to handling fabric.

The best part

Making art for me is like living in a dream where my thoughts, desires, passions, and vision are expressed through colors and shapes hand cut by my hands.. building a visual moment where the story has been written and is waiting to be told. And every piece leading up to the climax of this grand epic plays its role effortlessly. The only thing that truly matters is the crafting of it.. using this fiber voice to express myself. That is the best part.

Trial and error

Years ago I was afraid of making mistakes so rather than fixing something to get it right I would tell myself it gives it character. Thank goodness for learning some wisdom as I age..

For some reason if I didn’t get it right the first time I just made it work to keep pushing forward. I had this weird fear that fed a story of not being good enough.. of having to learn creativity.. of not being artistic enough..

This silly monkey mind of mine takes up so much of my time to keep it quiet - not really quiet - not in control of me and not in control of how I choose to be/create.

These days, I make a section over and over until it is what I have pictured in my mind.. even if it’s going to take me an hour or two or more to get it right.

Sometimes I have to procrastinate about it for a little while.. and when I realize I’ve got to remake something it does initially stifle my creative flow because of these ridiculous insecurities I carry around. I do get there eventually and it usually works out so much better than I planned.. go figure. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess I can at least be glad for the personal awareness that comes along for the ride if I open myself to it.. making art is my direct guide to personal behavior patterns and beliefs.. along with mountain biking of course because, well, those hills don’t really ever get easier 🤣🤣🤣

Learn

Jiddu Krishnamurti says, “There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.”

Recently I started circling the pieces I have completed on my template. It seems so simple and it is not something I have done in the past.

My art changes from project to project. I can look at old works and see the foundations of learning that led to the next. Consistently working on refining my craft requires an openness to learning, taking notes, and studying my own works as well as the works of other artists.

I hope I am engaged in developing my skills as a human and as an artist for the entirety of my life.

Sample quilting

Surprisingly I have not made many samples to practice machine quilting on. Most of the time I just dive right in and start working directly on my project.

I get a lot of anxiety about quilting which in turn causes me to procrastinate when it is time to put a needle through a project.

I avoid my studio.

I walk in and out and in and out and I find a million other things to do before I sit down and work.

This time I made a sample to practice on

I have four and a half sections to figure out how to stitch the needles on this tree. I know many of your are thinking, duh.. But, stopping to start something new - even a small sample - can be a slippery slope for an artist. It can easily sidetrack me. I intentionally used fabrics that don’t excite me to help alleviate the possibility of this problem. (Admittedly I did start thinking about what I could do with this small sample - when I finish with the project of course.)

It took about two hours to make. While working on it I refined my stitches and got the practice runs out the way.