You know, I go through periods of loneliness. I think we all probably do. They are never easy. They seem to dredge up all the old stuff so I can work through it.. again.. as if I haven’t already let it go.. plenty of times before.. but letting go is a process, right? It’s not black and white and it certainly isn’t simple..
Sometimes I worry that I am not enough..
Sometimes I worry that I am too much..
I probably overshare..
But, when I take time to look around the people around me show up..
They like me broken.
They like me whole.
They like ME..
There are little things, like celebrating a blue sky with pastries or a with a hug. Or telling me I should have put my photo on my new business cards. Maybe it’s texting funny tiktok videos (I barely use it) late at night even though they know I’m asleep and sharing it anyway because they know it will make me chuckle when I get around to watch it. They re-share or comment on something that touched them here.. or we exchange heartfelt giggles over the most mundane of things.. like hot flashes making my armpits have giant sweat blobs in them when it’s 30 degrees outside. God, I hate that..
Then, there are the big things.. the “how’s it going?” after a busy/difficult day and holding space for the answer with no judgment, just real listening.. or going on a long bike ride at a menopausal ladies speed to get her her longest ride ever and then saying we will do it again in a couple of weeks for your birthday. There is hand holding and beautiful music and the “yes let’s go” when I say I need mountain air.. All of the encouragement to try hard and work harder.. asking where I am when I’m at work and all my friends are on bikes.. celebrating the big wins and asking about the struggles.. it is just being genuinely good people without strings.
I am grateful for y’all.
All of you.
Virtual and local.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
I am blessed beyond measure.
And I am certainly not lonely.
📸 Luca Swaim