In my studio I am full steam ahead on the mermaid. I find myself more curious than I have been in a long long time. My process kind of stays the same, but the way I go about things seems to shift and morph more and more. I think there is a letting go - an exhale - a settling into creating in a new(?) way to work happening as I make.
I keep finding myself in places where I want the time and space to figure out how to make it the way I think it in my head and moving onto the next step before the previous step is “finished”. I will eventually have to figure something out, but I don’t today. All I have to do is just keep working on what I can.
It drives me nuts when something is so simple and I have made it unnecessarily complex with my need to be in control. Perhaps all those times I have made the note to “Trust the Process” is finally sinking in. Is it even safe to say such a thing publicly? It could just as easily slip away again..
What is it about this mermaid? I don’t know. Maybe it is that her story is one I don’t relate to or maybe I over relate?? I am enamored by an underlying strength she has from the way she sees the world. She is a mermaid so she lives in the deepest darks of water. She looks through the darkness to see the light. I am mesmerized by her. I feel like I know her and yet I don’t at all. I find myself sticking my head in the door almost every time I pass my studio. I am insanely curious how she is going to come together. I am curious about the story she will tell.
I make the pieces. I develop the layers. I pin everything instead of sewing it down. What I realize is that I’m not 100% sure how it’s all going to come together yet. I want the flexibility to easily change things. I want the flexibility to change my mind and do something different. I want to be free of self imposed limitations. Is that even possible?
I don’t know whether I like how the grass is coming along. I don’t yet know if I like the bodice or if it should be a different color.. So I pin it. I play with it. I test out colors and swatches and then I test out more. It is wildly exciting to not know what’s next. I can see pretty clearly why this feeling eludes me so often.. it feels reckless and underprepared and it’s got me curious about plans..
In making an art quilt there is a certain amount of release I have to have because I can’t perfectly control the colors of the fabric or how patterns are printed on fabric - I mean I could if I wanted to take up hand dying but even then there is only so much control I can have.
I intentionally shop for fabrics that mostly read as solids. The shading that the printed patterns provide or the varying shades in a batik fabric add depth and texture. There are times I intentionally “fussy” cut a piece, but if I did that for every section I have to cut I would waste a lot of fabric and it would take me FOREVER to make a quilt.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have an overall concept. I have templates ready to go. I have planned the greenery and flowers that will surround the mermaid, but I have zero idea how much there will be or what size it will be. If I’m being completely honest it is a little scary to let go. She’s got me entangled in her song for sure. I think about her all the time.
Art is life.